Very early in our lives we make assumptions about ourselves. Either on our own or somebody makes a comment about us and we believe what they say.
I learned very early on in my life that strangers are helpful and benevolent. I also was able to feel at home away from home very early. Those experiences were very strong and formed my beliefs. Again and again I had experiences that gave me more evidence that those assumptions were correct.
The more I believed it the more I saw them. I didn’t see any evidence to the contrary. Confirmation bias had a positive affect in those situations.
Yet there were other assumptions that had just the opposite effect. Because I was told that I was slow doing math, I became insecure and nervous about math. This kept slowing me down even more, giving me more evidence that supported that belief.
How many beliefs about ourselves are based on wrong evidence? How many influence our relationship in an unhealthy way? Have you ever questioned them?
Purposefully looking for evidence that supports positive beliefs about ourselves is a way to change the way we view ourselves.
Giving your partner the benefit of doubt can be one way to get positive evidence. Asking them to clarify what they said is another way to understand them better, without assuming the worst.
Whether you look for evidence that has a positive impact or negative impact, you will always find it. It’s up to you which one you look for.