I’ve never had as much time alone with my Dad as in the last two weeks. My Mom is in the hospital. Somehow most communication between my Dad and I, always went through my Mom, because she was always there. It seemed normal.
That’s just the way it was. Unless one looks around and wonders if certain behaviours are different, it is assumed that everyone else does it the same way.
Men have told me that they have felt left out within their family because of this indirect communication. For different reasons they didn’t have as much time alone with their kids as their wives. They feel helpless. The kids assume that their dads have no interest in them, when they just feel insecure and are many times expected to do everything exactly as their wife does with their children.
A fear of losing the connection with their child, not wanting to share them, believing they only know what’s best for the child might be the motivators for moms to not allow direct communication between child and father.
The problem is that this teaches how communication happens. If it is normal for a person to talk through someone instead of direct communication. a lot of misunderstandings can happen.
In an intimate relationship, a wife may not speak directly with her partner, because that’s the way they learned how to communicate. Instead of talking about feelings with their partner, they get opinions from friends, which could never be accurate.
We may be afraid to speak with our partner about a problem directly because we are afraid of their feelings and reactions. Maybe we heard “ just wait until Dad comes home” way too many times from our mothers.
Sometimes we talk with someone else about how we feel because we don’t want to hurt our partners.
How can our partner know what’s going on when we don’t talk about it. Even though we think we know our partner very well, how they feel, how they think, we actually don’t.
People change and grow and they may have reacted in a certain way in the past doesn’t always mean they will do so now. We just assume they will.
When we don’t communicate directly with our partner we take away the opportunity to get to know them and us better. We deny us moments of deep intimacy and seeing the changes both of us have made.
Life is not static. It is ever changing, not one moment is the same as the other. Not one conversation is the same as the other.
Talking directly with my Dad showed me that I have the same sense of humor as he does. That made me feel more connected with him.It’s never too late to speak directly with the people in our life. It may be a bit scary and unfamiliar at first yet it is worth it.
Text and Photo by Karin Goldgruber
Karin Goldgruber writes about life as a Highly Sensitive Person HSP, how to reduce feelings of stress and overwhelm and how to find authentic answers to your life questions.
She is a Certified Emotional Freedom Techniques practitioner who specializes in working with HSPs who experience problems in their relationship and life because of this innate trait.
As a Highly Sensitive Person herself she has overcome many challenges and obstacles and encourages and empowers others to do the same.