Even expected changes like my sons going back to University shake me up.
Suddenly my whole routine is changing again. I know that they are here for just a short time, yet I feel lost after they leave.
I just want to crawl into bed and watch TV, feeling guilty because I know a lot of work is waiting for me. Often I would do just that, then the guilt would motivate me to do something little like starting my roomba vacuum in one room. That will lead to emptying the dishwasher, bringing out the garbage and recycling. While I am at it I might as well do the laundry. As I am taking care of maintaining my home, I am slowly stepping back into my routine, my daily life. I may still be a bit upset about a sudden change in my routine but I am not binge watching TV and eating too much, to stuff down my emotions with food.
In the past it would often take quite a while for me to be able to step out of this feeling of paralysis.
I had to come to terms with the knowledge that sudden changes in my life rattle and affect me more than others who are not Highly Sensitive People. That wasn’t an easy process. Admitting that something is happening within me, to me, that I can’t control, was difficult. Especially when you believe that with the right amount of hard work, motivation and perseverance almost anything can be accomplished. I am still often surprised at how shaken I am, even when I thought that I was prepared for something, like an ill friend’s death.
What I have noticed is that I “recover “ much quicker. A lot of trial and error, when to take time for yourself and when to just roll up your sleeves and get the work done, to move on with your day or life, even when you don’t want to move. The interesting thing about moving is that when you get up to move to get a glass of water or to open the window to get fresh air, you are moving out of the startled feeling. Texting a friend or talking with someone is the next step. Learning that others feel the same at different times in their life is another step.
All these steps you are taking, are giving you clues on how to step out of that feeling. As you practice them, you remember them quicker, you notice that you are getting better every time. Your confidence is increasing. You are not feeling like a victim as often. You feel stronger, more powerful, more in control of your reactions and your actions. You also acknowledge that you can’t change the fact that this will probably happen to you for the rest of your life, but at the same time you also know that you are ready and prepared when it will happen again.
You acknowledge that it is a lifelong process and that some days it will be easier than others. And that is okay.
Text by Karin Goldgrube Photo courtesy of pexels-visionpic-net-370037