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The gentle strengths of Highly Sensitive People

Many Highly Sensitive People HSP consider their sensitivity as a weakness, often because of comments from parents and teachers. In order to fit in we push our strong emotions down and try not to overreact due to over stimulation. This works for a period of time until exactly what we wanted to prevent, namely overreaction,happens.

Highly Sensitive People like everyone else need to express their feelings. Stuffing down all the emotions doesn’t help.
Many times it makes it worse because the overreaction brings on comments like,” you are so sensitive”, “you always overreact”,” it’s not as bad as you say”. Those comments totally feel like your emotions are wrong because they are stronger, bigger. This often leads to beliefs like, “there is something wrong with me” or “I don’t fit in”.

Then there is always the other way of trying to be understood by non HSPs. Exaggerate the feeling. Somehow we think that if we exaggerate, the other person will understand us better. In reality, now they are becoming overwhelmed, by the strong emotions we express.

The question is, how can an HSPs express their feelings and feel understood?
First and foremost, we need to start feeling comfortable with our emotions.
It starts with self acceptance.

This is where I find the statement that is used during an EFT Emotional Freedom techniques session very helpful,” Even though I am so angry, I deeply and completely accept myself”. In the beginning you may not feel like that at all and you may say:” Even though I am so angry I try to accept myself”.

Having been shamed many times about expressing so called negative emotions very strongly makes it hard in the beginning to accept that you experience these feelings.

Yet, we have to start somewhere.
We forget that we have dealt with a wide array of strong feelings all of our lives. Most HSPs have been exploring and practicing different ways to deal with their feelings of overwhelm and stress consistently.

Many HSPs  I work with don’t see in the beginning how well versed they are in dealing with strong feelings. Often they only focus on negative experiences and don’t see their emotional strength. By working on and releasing shame, judgement and other negative feelings, step by step they start to see more sides of themselves.
This acknowledgment of capability, experience and expertise often leads to stronger self confidence, self appreciation and love.
It becomes obvious that sensitivity and vulnerability are very gentle strengths.

Text and Photo by Karin Goldgruber

Karin Goldgruber writes about life as a Highly Sensitive Person HSP, how to reduce feelings of stress and overwhelm and how to find authentic answers to your life questions.
She is a Certified Emotional Freedom Techniques practitioner who specializes in working with Highly Sensitive People who experience problems in their relationship and work because of this innate trait.
As an HSP herself she has overcome many challenges and obstacles and encourages and empowers others to do the same.

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How to turn feelings of overwhelm to overjoyed

Highly Sensitive People, who make up about twenty percent of the population, are born with an innate trait called Sensory Processing Sensitivity. This trait allows us to notice everything and I mean everything in our environment all the time.

This constant stream of stimuli can become quite overstimulating since we also deeply process every bit of information and then analyze every subtle detail. Then we think about it, compare it to other similar information and store it for future use.

This process is quite intense and happens automatically.
It is exhausting and quite frankly often overwhelming. Especially if it is negative things like the news, violent movies or negative talk at work.

If a Highly Sensitive Person isn’t careful about the focus of their attention and what situations they choose to enter, this negative over stimulation can turn into feelings of powerlessness, hopelessness and frustration with oneself and the world.

Often the only solution to this onslaught of information seems isolation from a busy, loud and very fast world. This solution seems to work in the beginning as time alone is very soothing, healing and very essential to a Highly Sensitive Persons well- being.

Yet often it is taken to an extreme where one avoids going to family functions, cultural events or business gatherings and can lead to complete isolation.
Humans are not meant to be alone all the time, HSPs included.

In order to create a balance between time alone to regenerate and replenish our energy and time spent with others we need to be aware of what works best for us.
Sounds easier than it often is.

For years I hardly listened to music on the radio because I was already overstimulated by constant noise at work. I discovered that I enjoy traveling much more in the quiet off season. I walk in the mornings when there isn’t any traffic.

What activities do you enjoy but avoid out of fear of overstimulation? How can you do the things you love and feel part of your family, community and the world at large?

When we choose the right time to engage with the world it doesn’t overwhelm us. Then we notice all the subtle details of the world around us. Every tiny detail inspires us.

We are calm enough to notice the delicate beauty of everyone and everything around us and experience this all encompassing feeling of joy. In this state of grace HSPs are focused, strong and able to harness all their strength quite easily.
When we fully embrace our sensory processing sensitivity and are aware of its effects on our psyche, we intentionally choose actions of self care, self empowerment and then can consistently reduce feelings of stress and overwhelm.
When HSPs are as gentle and kind with ourselves as we are with others we feel happier and overjoyed more frequently.
Happiness and joy can be conscious choices.

Text and Photo by Karin Goldgruber

Karin Goldgruber writes about life as a Highly Sensitive Person HSP, how to reduce feelings of stress and overwhelm and how to find authentic answers to your life questions.
She is a Certified Emotional Freedom Techniques practitioner who specializes in working with Highly Sensitive People who experience problems in their relationship and work because of this innate trait.
As an HSP herself she has overcome many challenges and obstacles and encourages and empowers others to do the same.

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Work First, Pleasure After; The Effect of Beliefs on…

 

Even though I know and talk about the importance of self care for Highly Sensitive People I still have a hard time with it on occasion. 

Yesterday, I was in conflict, between my urge to just keep on working until all  items were crossed off my to-do list and my desire to enjoy a walk. 

 The problem with saying I will go for a walk after the list is completed, is that I always add more to the list. 

Especially for a Highly Sensitive Person enough sleep, time alone and time in nature are very important to feel balanced and grounded.

I have been working a lot over the last two weeks, yet I felt guilty about my desire to go for a walk.

Growing up I often heard :”Work first, pleasure after.” ( Zuerst die Arbeit, dann das Vergnügen)

I enjoy my work very much but still struggle with enjoying time off to relax and rejuvenate. Work has a higher priority for me than taking time to rest.

Despite feeling guilty,  I went for a nice walk on the frozen lake taking pictures and videos for my work. Before the walk I had felt tired, drained and was determined to get a lot of work done. After the walk I felt energized, joyful and light and got some work done in a short period of time.

 I had set an intention to leave the house every day, a while ago. Following through on that intention helped me to make a healthy choice. I have noticed when I am relaxed and take care of myself on a regular basis it is easier to take care of my needs. When I am overwhelmed and stressed I am not able to make good choices. 

Afterwards I used EFT Emotional Freedom Techniques to look at this core belief that work comes first and pleasure after. I discovered that work was a way to get my father’s attention. As a  little girl,l decided to work as much as possible to get my father’s love and approval. A set of beliefs about work and leisure was formed and to this day influences me and my work habits.

 I  learned that my family motto has had some negative influence when taken too literally, yet  it has also served me well and installed a strong work ethic and appreciation of work in me.

As I was tapping on feelings around this issue I also remembered evenings spent playing cards, afternoons at the pool and holidays in the mountains.

I may still feel a bit guilty about enjoying my time off but at least I know that I play as hard as I work. 

Text and Photo by Karin Goldgruber

 

Karin Goldgruber writes about life as a Highly Sensitive Person HSP, how to reduce feelings of stress and overwhelm and how to find authentic answers to your life questions.
She is a Certified Emotional Freedom Techniques practitioner who specializes in working with Highly Sensitive People who experience problems in their relationship and work because of this innate trait.
As an HSP herself she has overcome many challenges and obstacles and encourages and empowers others to do the same.

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How to better ask for and provide help

As Highly Sensitive people it’s so easy to pick up on other people’s feelings. Our strong perception and awareness of the smallest detail in behaviours, facial expression or tone of voice and then deeply thinking and analyzing it has given us the impression that we know exactly what another person feels. 

To a certain degree this is true, as we see the behaviours, we can even guess what they might do next, because we are good at observing patterns.

Yet despite all of this we can’t, nobody can, know how another person feels. It’s an illusion, and we shouldn’t assume that we can. 

I hate when someone in an attempt to make me feel better says:” I know how you feel”. No, they don’t.

They may have had a similar experience but they don’t know how I am feeling. They don’t even have to know or understand how I feel, in order to help. Listening, being there for someone, and trusting in them, that they will find the right solution are actions that empower the other person.

Why do we want to help? Is it because we feel uncomfortable with their feelings and what they stir in us? Do we need to be needed because we had needed someone and nobody was there for us? 

There are so many reasons why we want to help. We either learned them from our parents or  it’s expected in our society. 

Just because something is the norm, doesn’t make it helpful or good. It’s difficult to admit that one needs others to need one.  

Yet talking and sharing our perceived shortcomings connects us on a deeper level to others. This society has such a problem of asking for help. We expect others to help us without asking, then we resent them for interfering or telling us what to do. 

We need to trust that we got this, that the other person has got it. That they are responsible for their lives and that we can’t fix it. 

I am not saying not to help anyone ever again. But to observe why we want to help. To ask how we can help instead of assuming we know what is best for them. 

As I am learning to ask myself what help I need, I am taking steps to ask for help. That’s a scary thing. I recently asked several of my friends for help, offering them help in return. Each and every one said: I am glad to help you. I am good right now. You were here for me when I needed help. I am here for you now. 

And I thought that I was completely alone, that I had to tackle this all by myself.

I felt ashamed of having to ask for help. 

My whole life I didn’t share my struggles with most of my family and friends because of several reasons. I thought being strong meant never having to ask  for help.

 I didn’t want to worry them. I assumed that they wouldn’t be strong enough to handle this. What arrogance and ignorance. I didn’t even give them the chance to determine for themselves if they wanted to help me or not. 

I didn’t ask because subconsciously I was afraid that they would say no” I can’t help you”. I was so afraid of rejection that I isolated myself. I was so afraid to be hurt that I didn’t even ask.

 I chose to hurt myself instead of taking the risk of being rejected. This way I got hurt every time. In hindsight it’s really stupid, but that’s how it was. I was taught  that in order to be strong I had to be tough.

 I didn’t know that true strength is to be open, vulnerable and sensitive. I am discovering this gentle strength within me and at the same time I am embracing my strong sensitivity.

 It has been quite an adventure and I am so happy to share my struggle with you, so you don’t feel like the only one who thinks and feels this way.

Text and Photo by Karin Goldgruber

Karin Goldgruber writes about life as a Highly Sensitive Person HSP, how to reduce feelings of stress and overwhelm and how to find authentic answers to your life questions.
She is a Certified Emotional Freedom Techniques practitioner who specializes in working with Highly Sensitive People who experience problems in their relationship and work because of this innate trait.
As an HSP herself she has overcome many challenges and obstacles and encourages and empowers others to do the same.

 

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What changing tires revealed about being a Highly Sensitive…

I  had never changed a tire by myself. 

To be more self reliant and independent I want to learn how to. I learn best when someone shows me how to do something, instead of googling it. Because patience isn’t one of my strengths.

It was a cold snowy winter day and I really needed to change my tires for a trip. I expected to know how to do it on my own after doing it once before with help. Quite an unrealistic expectation, yet it was there.

I felt overwhelmed, trying to remember everything at the same time. I was nervous even though I had help from someone who is great at explaining things and is very patient.

I wanted to show off how independent I am and how much I remembered. I was afraid to make a mistake. I was worried to do the wrong thing and break something.

The first step is to put something behind the other three tires to stop the car from moving.Then to loosen the bolts that hold the tire. I asked about the names of the bolts and the machine we used to loosen them.

 I felt uncomfortable on my knees holding the heavy machine. Pressing the button that tightens the bolt instead of loosening it. Pressing the other button too hard and loosening the bolt too much. Tightening a bit more. Loosening the remaining bolts. Feeling uncomfortable with the machine. Noticing the sound of the machine. 

A nosy neighbor approaching us, wanting to chat. My fear of him telling me I am doing this all wrong. Just focusing on what I am doing, giving short answers. Hoping he gets the hint and leaves. Feeling bad for wanting to focus on the task and not chatting with him.

 Next step, jack up the van. Worried about finding the right spot. Afraid of the jack. Always afraid of making mistakes. Afraid of being laughed at. Even though he wouldn’t do that. The old fear of being criticized. Mistaking kind instructions and explanations for criticism.

 Feeling frustrated with myself for feeling all those things. 

Finally taking the bolts off, lifting the tire of the van. Barely being able to lift up the heavy tire and putting it on. I want to do it on my own. Tightening the bolts. Breathing, relaxing a bit. How do I lower the jack slowly again? My mind feeling empty. Feeling embarrassed to ask again.

 First one done. Take a deep breath. This is not so bad. Feeling happy. Whats next? Noticing that part of my head is thinking about how I can use this experience in a blog. Worried that I won’t have the right names for the tools, bolts  and all the parts. Realizing that it doesn’t matter if I don’t know all the correct names. That it is more important now to change the tires. That it is okay to ask questions. I push my need to know everything aside and focus on what is really important. Getting these snow tires on before it starts to snow more and before it gets dark. 

Second tire. 

I am focused. Talk less and take my time to think through the steps I need to do. I describe what I need to do next. I feel comfortable asking for validation.  My busy mind wants to wander off and write this blog while I am still changing the tire.

More questions come to mind while I am doing one step at a time. Valid questions, but not important to the task at hand. Those questions want to have my attention, when my attention needs to be focused on my work. I reign in my busy mind and I focus. 

Third tire.

 Some of the bolts have a different size and we need to change the thing on the machine, otherwise it won’t work. I automatically assume that I am dumb for not noticing this right away. For rightly assuming that they all should be the same. Being mad at myself for using the wrong one and grinding down on the bolts, thinking that they are just rusty. The ground down bolts are more difficult to loosen and I am becoming nervous again. 

I am mad at myself for not expecting trouble. We manage to get it done. I blamed myself for not knowing that something was wrong.

Fourth tire.

 I feel confident. This one should be easy since I managed to do the first three. I put the machine on to loosen the first bolt. Nothing moves. I check if I accidentally tightened it.

 No. I try the next one and the next one. None of them budge. I get mad at myself for not being strong enough. Yet when he, who is much stronger than I am tries, nothing happens either. 

 I was so quick to find fault with myself never considering that sometimes it is entirely out of your control. It took our combined effort and strength to loosen those bolts. When we put the tire on and lower the jack we see that the tire is losing air.

 Really??!!

 It’s getting darker as we quickly replace the broken tire. Feeling frustrated that there is an unexpected step to be done. Yet I am also feeling very proud of having done most of the work myself.  

What did I learn?

1.Focus on what is really important to do. Don’t get sidetracked with additional information. Our natural inclination as a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) to deeply process information can lead to unnecessary overwhelm and stress. Focus. Focus again and again

2.Overthinking creates over-stimulation and worry for HSPs. Fear of what others might think about our lack of knowledge. It’s normal not to know what I don’t know. I remind myself to be okay with asking questions until I get it. Everyone forgets things and needs to ask for help.

It’s important to give myself the benefit of the doubt and not to be so hard on myself.

3.I am so quick to think that I am the problem. I am quick to acknowledge everyone’s progress and accomplishments. I take my progress and knowledge for granted.Jumping to wrong conclusions.

4.I have unrealistic expectations, wanting to be perfect before even getting started. This creates a lot of unnecessary fear and stress.

This experience was a great reminder for myself that as a Highly Sensitive Person it is very beneficial to be aware of my feelings, and my environment so I can respond in a way that is most beneficial for me.

Blog and Photo by Karin Goldgruber

Karin Goldgruber writes about life as a Highly Sensitive Person HSP, how to reduce feelings of stress and overwhelm and how to find authentic answers to your life questions.
She is a Certified Emotional Freedom Techniques practitioner who specializes in working with Highly Sensitive People who experience problems in their relationship because of this innate trait.
As a Highly Sensitive Person herself she has overcome many challenges and obstacles and encourages and empowers others to do the same.

 

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Do you worry what other people think of you?

Ever since I can remember I worried what others thought or said about me. I would lie in bed and recall every part of a conversation, wondering how I had been perceived. When I mentioned that I felt hurt or attacked by someone’s comments I often heard:” Don’t take it personal, it was just a joke.” Yet it didn’t feel like a joke. It felt very personal.

Like other Highly Sensitive People, HSP’s, I notice subtle clues, like a tone of voice, facial expression, body language or specific words. Often I read between the lines, when nothing is written. I had a big mental folder of real and imagined hurtful comments, insensitive jokes and stupid, thoughtless remarks.

Because I remembered all those incidences I started to expect being laughed at or made fun of. I felt uncomfortable around other people, worried too much and put too much weight on the opinions of others.
I became too sensitive, too emotional and took everything too serious. I was ready to defend myself and often overreacted. Soon many handled me with kids gloves afraid of hurting my feelings, afraid of my strong reactions.

I started to doubt my perceptions. I became more and more quiet, retreating to the safety of books.
I never felt comfortable just asking someone what they meant. I dislike confrontation just as many other HSP’s do. Fear of looking stupid held me back of finding out what I didn’t understand.

Again and again I jumped to wrong conclusions, based on old hurts, wrong beliefs I had formed over time. I didn’t know how to give someone the benefit of the doubt.
Feeling stressed and overwhelmed most of the time when in company, it never occured to me that those who I considered rude and thoughtless might be as worried, afraid or insecure as I was.

It took me a long time to change those ingrained behaviours and reactions. Through awareness, consistent stress reduction and using EFT Emotional Freedom Techniques I feel more comfortable to question someone’s comments and making sure we are talking about the same thing.
I am now gentler and more forgiving with myself and others.

Text and Photo by Karin Goldgruber

Karin Goldgruber writes about life as a Highly Sensitive Person HSP, how to reduce feelings of stress and overwhelm and how to find authentic answers to your life questions.
She is a Certified Emotional Freedom Techniques practitioner who specializes in working with HSPs who experience problems in their relationship and life because of this innate trait.
As a Highly Sensitive Person herself she has overcome many challenges and obstacles and encourages and empowers others to do the same.

www.karingoldgruber.com

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Direct communication is very important

I’ve never had as much time alone with my Dad as in the last two weeks. My Mom is in the hospital. Somehow most communication between my Dad and I, always went through my Mom, because she was always there. It seemed normal.

That’s just the way it was. Unless one looks around and wonders if certain behaviours are different, it is assumed that everyone else does it the same way.

Men have told me that they have felt left out within their family because of this indirect communication. For different reasons they didn’t have as much time alone with their kids as their wives. They feel helpless. The kids assume that their dads have no interest in them, when they just feel insecure and are many times expected to do everything exactly as their wife does with their children.

A fear of losing the connection with their child, not wanting to share them, believing they only know what’s best for the child might be the motivators for moms to not allow direct communication between child and father.
The problem is that this teaches how communication happens. If it is normal for a person to talk through someone instead of direct communication. a lot of misunderstandings can happen.

In an intimate relationship, a wife may not speak directly with her partner, because that’s the way they learned how to communicate. Instead of talking about feelings with their partner, they get opinions from friends, which could never be accurate.

We may be afraid to speak with our partner about a problem directly because we are afraid of their feelings and reactions. Maybe we heard “ just wait until Dad comes home” way too many times from our mothers.
Sometimes we talk with someone else about how we feel because we don’t want to hurt our partners.

How can our partner know what’s going on when we don’t talk about it. Even though we think we know our partner very well, how they feel, how they think, we actually don’t.

People change and grow and they may have reacted in a certain way in the past doesn’t always mean they will do so now. We just assume they will.
When we don’t communicate directly with our partner we take away the opportunity to get to know them and us better. We deny us moments of deep intimacy and seeing the changes both of us have made.

Life is not static. It is ever changing, not one moment is the same as the other. Not one conversation is the same as the other.

Talking directly with my Dad showed me that I have the same sense of humor as he does. That made me feel more connected with him.It’s never too late to speak directly with the people in our life. It may be a bit scary and unfamiliar at first yet it is worth it.

Text and Photo by Karin Goldgruber

Karin Goldgruber writes about life as a Highly Sensitive Person HSP, how to reduce feelings of stress and overwhelm and how to find authentic answers to your life questions.
She is a Certified Emotional Freedom Techniques practitioner who specializes in working with HSPs who experience problems in their relationship and life because of this innate trait.
As a Highly Sensitive Person herself she has overcome many challenges and obstacles and encourages and empowers others to do the same.

www.karingoldgruber.com

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The good old days are now

Even though I am enjoying stronger winds, breathtaking fall colours and crisper air, I have noticed that I don’t want to accept that summer has ended.

To make things worse, people are already worrying about another long, ice cold winter. This greedy yearning for the past and worrying about an unknown future make it difficult to enjoy the present as much as I would like to.
I am aware that it is only human to want more of what we had and to be well prepared for the future.

Yet both are a waste of time, no one can change the past or command the future.

When I don’t yearn for the past or worry about the future, I am more aware and enjoy the present one moment at a time.

Slowing down, living one moment at a time and making conscious choices eliminates regret, sorrow and yearning for the past for me. Then I make great choices and I feel confident, capable and certain. Thus reducing worry and uncertainty about future events that I can’t control.

Karin Goldgruber writes about life as a Highly Sensitive Person HSP, how to reduce feelings of stress and overwhelm and how to find authentic answers to your life questions.
She is a Certified Emotional Freedom Techniques practitioner who specializes in working with Highly Sensitive People who experience problems in their relationship and life because of this innate trait.
As a Highly Sensitive Person herself she has overcome many challenges and obstacles and encourages and empowers others to do the same.

www.karingoldgruber.com   Photo by Karin Goldgruber

 

Die gute alte Zeit ist jetzt

 

Obwohl ich den stärkeren Wind, atemberaubende Herbstfarben und die kühlere Luft genieße, habe ich bemerkt, dass ich nicht akzeptieren möchte, dass der Sommer zu Ende ist.

Um es noch schlimmer zu machen, machen sich die Menschen bereits Sorgen über einen weiteren langen, eiskalten Winter. Diese gierige Sehnsucht nach  der Vergangenheit und die Sorge um eine unbekannte Zukunft machen es schwierig, die Gegenwart so zu genießen, wie ich es gerne möchte.

Mir ist bewusst, dass es nur menschlich ist, mehr von dem zu wollen, was wir hatten, und für die Zukunft gut vorbereitet zu sein.

Doch beides ist reine Zeitverschwendung, niemand kann die Vergangenheit ändern oder die Zukunft bestimmen.

Wenn ich mich nicht nach der Vergangenheit sehne oder mir keine Sorgen um die Zukunft mache, bin ich mir der Gegenwart sehr bewusst und genieße sie.

Wenn ich mir Zeit nehme,einen Moment nach dem anderen zu leben und bewusste Entscheidungen zu treffen, beseitigt dies, die Trauer, den Kummer und die Sehnsucht nach der Vergangenheit für mich.

 Dann treffe ich gute Entscheidungen und fühle mich zuversichtlich, fähig und sicher. Dadurch werden Sorgen und Unsicherheiten über zukünftige Ereignisse, die ich nicht kontrollieren kann, weniger.

 

Karin Goldgruber schreibt über das Leben als hochsensible Person HSP, wie man Gefühle von Stress und Überforderung reduziert und authentische Antworten für ihre Probleme findet.

Sie ist eine zertifizierte Praktikerin für emotionale Freiheit Techniken (Klopfakupunktur), die sich auf die Arbeit mit hochsensiblen Menschen spezialisiert hat, die aufgrund dieser angeborenen Eigenschaft Probleme in ihrer Beziehung und ihrem Leben haben.

Als hochsensible Person hat sie viele Herausforderungen und Hindernisse überwunden und andere dazu ermutigt und unterstützt, dasselbe zu tun.

 

www.karingoldgruber.com           Foto von Karin Goldgruber

 

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Creating space to breathe

When was the last time you have evaluated the progress you have made as a person?

When something in our relationship is tough and painful all our attention is on it. We focus on making it better. When the situation is improved, it’s the new norm and we don’t see it any longer. We don’t appreciate what we have accomplished. We take it for granted. We are continuously unsatisfied with ourselves and stressed out.

By paying attention to my reactions to stress and overwhelm I’ve observed that I have a container that holds my feelings of stress. For many years this container was always filled to the top. When one stressful thing happened, it would overflow. Mostly into my relationship. Feeling overwhelmed and stressed was my norm. Only now can I see how bad it was.

Over time I have created breathing room in myself through the regular use of EFT Emotional Freedom techniques.The container is no longer full all the time. When something unexpected happens, and it always does, I have this extra space to breathe and respond in a better way. I am not as quickly overwhelmed and have time to think logically. I start tapping to reduce the current stress and make smart choices. Being more relaxed and calmer gives me the opportunity to reflect and compare. I see the progress I have made.

New states of operating quickly feel like the norm. It’s so easy to forget how bad it was before.

We need to compare and be aware of the positive changes we have made in our life and our relationship. Be proud and delighted of what we have accomplished. Human nature wants us to quickly move on and do more and better.

Take the time to speak about shifts you notice within you and your relationship.Then you will see that you dealt with a situation that maybe a year ago you would have not been able to handle at all. You see how much progress you have made.

Consistently reducing stress helps you to be stronger, calmer and better prepared as life presents you with challenges. We finally take ownership of our feelings and reactions. We start to regulate our own feelings. We begin to stand on our own two feet.

For our Spanish speaking readers

Creando espacio para respirar
¿Cuándo fue la última vez que evaluaste el progreso de tu desarrollo personal?
Cuando algo en nuestra relación es duro y doloroso, toda nuestra atención está, sin duda, puesta en ello y nos enfocamos en mejorarlo. Cuando la situación mejora, no vemos la nueva norma. No apreciamos lo que hemos logrado. Lo damos por hecho. Estamos, continuamente, estresados e insatisfechos con nosotros mismos.

Al prestar atención a mis reacciones al estrés y al agobio, he observado que tengo un contenedor que carga con mis sentimientos de estrés. Durante muchos años, este contenedor siempre estuvo lleno hasta el tope. Cuando sucedía algo estresante, se desbordaba. Principalmente en mi relación. Sentirme abrumada y estresada era mi norma. Solo ahora puedo ver lo malo que fue.

Con el tiempo, he creado espacio, en mí misma, para respirar, mediante el uso regular de las técnicas de libertad emocional de EFT. El contenedor ya no está lleno todo el tiempo. Cuando sucede algo inesperado -que siempre sucede- tengo este espacio extra para respirar y responder de una mejor manera. Ya no me abrumo tan rápido y tengo tiempo para pensar lógicamente. Empiezo a hacer “tapping” para reducir el estrés actual y tomar decisiones inteligentes. Estar más relajada y tranquila me da la oportunidad de reflexionar y comparar. Veo el progreso que he hecho.

Los nuevos estados de funcionamiento se sienten rápidamente como la norma. Es muy fácil olvidar lo malo que antes era. Necesitamos comparar y estar conscientes de los cambios positivos que hemos realizado en nuestra vida y nuestra relación.

Siéntete orgulloso y encantado de lo que has logrado. La naturaleza humana quiere que avancemos rápidamente y que hagamos más y mejor. Tómate el tiempo para hablar sobre los cambios que notas dentro de ti y de tu relación. Luego verás que te enfrentas a una situación que tal vez hace un año nohubiera podido manejar en absoluto. ¿Ves cuánto progreso has hecho?

La reducción constante del estrés te ayuda a ser más fuerte, más tranquilo y mejor preparado a medida que la vida te presenta desafíos. Finalmente tomamos posesión de nuestros sentimientos y reacciones. Comenzamos a regular nuestros propios sentimientos. Comenzamos a pararnos sobre nuestros propios pies.

Traducción de Blog original por Roberto Fuerte y Aydeli Ríos.

Translation by Roberto Fuerte and Aydeli Rios proof read by Judith Garcia

Original English blog version and picture by Karin Goldgruber

 

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Rekindling a dream

Like a tsunami betrayal washes over me, taking everything I have believed in, hoped for, and trusted in with it. Destroying everything.
My parents won’t allow me to become a visual artist.
I was certain that they would support me. I was wrong.

A deep hopelessness envelopes me, seeps into every part of my being, as the cold creeps into your bones on some looming winter nights. Everything is covered in beautifully deceiving ice crystals.

The pain is so strong that I separate myself from myself. I surrender my dream, so I can continue living. I step outside myself. I observe, as part of me lives a life that is dictated and shaped by what others think is best for me. I take the path that was chosen for me.

Most of my life I judged myself quite harshly for accepting it . I criticized myself and only saw when I surrendered my will. I didn’t see the great choices I made.
Not having a choice in my education and career made me determined to support my sons in their career choices.

Now it is time for me to look at some of my old dreams. Will I study art because I couldn’t before or will I study something else or will I even go to University?

First I had to make my peace with my younger self. I had to acknowledge that she couldn’t speak up, it wasn’t her fault. It was a different time. She didn’t have any life experience.

Even though I never attended University I have continued my education since then. I have studied things that drew me to them. Things I loved. It never seemed like hard work because I loved what I was learning.

My dream of attending University is still very strong, yet as of now writing, doing presentations and working with Highly Sensitive People is more important.
Whether I attend University is really irrelevant. What matters is that it is my free choice.
I no longer feel like I am watching myself living a life I don’t want. I am living my life.

Blog and picture by Karin Goldgruber