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I didn’t see that coming

One morning this spring I woke up to a text message letting me know that my place of work  had burned down overnight.It felt unreal, surreal. It was real. Imagine my shock, my worry about my future and everyone affected by this. I was sobbing and my hands were shaking. As a HSP (Highly sensitive person) I experience feelings very intense and deeply. Then I remembered to use EFT (Emotional freedom techniques). I started to tap on the meridian points and stated out loud the things that came to my scared mind. After a few rounds I came to a point where I stopped crying and shaking and where I could start to think clearly again. That morning I was reminded that I have no control over external events. However I have control over my reactions and actions. By choosing to tap, I squarely looked all my fears in the eye, they could no longer control me.  I addressed them one by one, I did not push them aside, I made my peace with them.I could have chosen to feel like a victim, poor me, but I did not. I chose to deal with my feelings and then took the next step.

 

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A Tornado of feelings

Yesterday night at 3:05 I woke up and found out that there was a tornado in the city my youngest son had just recently moved to. My heart started racing, and I felt like someone hit me in the stomach and fear just took over.It was too early to call him and check if he was okay. In the past I would have been up all night, overwhelmed with fear and  worries.

I took deep breaths and began to use EFT. I tapped with my fingertips on the meridian points on my face,hands and torso and quietly stated how I was feeling and what I was afraid of. My heart started to slow down, my breathing became deeper with each round. I tapped until I got to a point where I could think rationally, where I was not consumed by fear and worry  any more. I sent a short message asking him if he was okay. After that I fell asleep quite quickly. In the morning there was a message telling me that he was okay. ( by Karin Goldgruber)

(Photo by Johannes Plenio from Pexels)

 

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A simple way to work through anger

I try to avoid anger as much as possible, yet recently I was very angry. I felt the anger in my whole body. So, I took a big canvas, my soft pastel crayons and started to draw, big fluid lines. I just picked the colors that jumped at me. I did not even think, I just drew. As I was drawing I noticed that the anger subsided. The interesting thing about that piece is that it feels very calm and peaceful. Since then I have been expressing a wide variety of feelings through my artwork. This process allows me to reflect on and work through my emotions. Anger is one of the feelings many people don’t feel comfortable looking at, expressing or even feeling. We avoid it like the plague,yet it is a normal and many times important feeling. However, due to the nature of anger it may often lead to negative outcomes. Expressing this emotion and others through art is a safe way to start feeling comfortable with anger, and lets you control your anger so it does not control you.

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Not everything needs to be perfect

Not everything needs to be perfect.
Not everything must be planned
Just start.
Let yourself be surprised
Let’s just see.
One Step at a time.
Take the next step.
Just start.
Don’t overthink it.
Be spontaneous.
Have fun.
Trust your gut.
Trust your instincts.
Trust your intuition.
Listen to your inner voice.
It’s your life.
You decide.
Just start.

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Striving to make mindful choices

Do you ever think about what  impact a small action can have? When I do, I become overwhelmed thinking about the changes I would have to make. I feel I have to change everything immediately if I don’t like it. What would happen if instead I would take a moment, breathe, and then simply observe? No rash decisions,no changes made on impulse. What would I learn about myself? Maybe I would find the reason why I am doing certain things, again and again. Maybe I could accept that right now this behavior is a habit that is not good for me. A routine that I keep repeating because it is easy in the moment, that somehow fills a need in the present but the long term consequences are not beneficial to me. I could be more mindful and then consciously choose an action instead of being ruled by desires.

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Imagine, Innovate and Disrupt

While I was driving in Toronto I read Imagine, Innovate and Disrupt on a banner.
Those three words jumped out. I quickly jotted them down. Immediately I thought about the word disrupt. It kind of shocked me. Why disrupt? Disruptive feels like a negative word.
How does disrupt fit in with words like imagine and innovate? It doesn’t seem to, at all.
I started to think about those three words. I had expected create to be the third word. I thought about how imagination ushers in something new, a new way of thinking, of doing things. New ideas always shift old ways of doing. They disrupt the flow, change it. When I look at disrupt from that angle it seems to be the logical next step to imagine and innovate.
Our old ways of thinking and believing are disrupted, disturbed when we imagine something bold, different and then innovate, bringing in something new. Our goal should be to disrupt old ways of thinking, believing and working.

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I had no expectations of King Lear

Recently I went to see Shakespeare’s King Lear, with Lear played by Seana Mc.Kenna, in Toronto.
My son suggested that I should not read the story or do any research before seeing the play. Since English is my second language I was very concerned that I would not understand the play, but I trusted Daniel.
I did not understand all the words, however that was not necessary to understand the plot of the story. I was very open und curious about the story and let myself be captured by the very minimalist stage and the captivating and powerful acting.
There is one scene where Lear is crying, wailing, and dragging her slain daughter onto the stage. I was crying quietly with her, while I really wanted to cry and wail out loud with her. At this point in the story she begs the onlookers for a seeing glass to check her daughters breath, in the hope that she is still alive. When she thought that her daughter might still be alive, hope soared in me. I was elated. I felt so happy for her, even though her actions had brought all this about. I wanted her to have a second chance with her daughter.
I hoped that her daughter was still alive.
Her daughter was dead.
I was so touched by the way Seana McKenna expressed the shock, the grief,and the torment of knowing that her daughter was dead and that her actions had caused her death. I felt all these emotions, I experienced her hope, her pain, her sorrow. My heart broke for her. I was touched to the core of my being. This scene changed me, it changed the way I look at my world. If I would have known the story I would have never been touched so deeply by this scene.

This made me realize that expectation, knowing how something is going to happen, limits my experience. It limits me because I think I know what will happen, so I am not open to what could happen, I am not curious, I just focus on one aspect, one possibility.
We always need to know how the story, our story ends, – to feel secure and safe.

Few people like knowing the end of a book, a movie or a story. Assumptions take away the exploration, the excitement of our experiences. Therefore minimizing the understanding of our personal journey.
Why would I watch a movie if I know the end already? Perceived Knowledge and expected outcomes provide a false sense of security and take away the fun off discovering, exploring and the joy of surprises.
Due to this realization, I am attempting to be even more open to surprises. I am not as quick to make assumptions in conversations, and everything does not have to be planned to a T anymore. I am now,experiencing the freedom to change my mind and make more personal decisions. This leads to an awareness of possible choices and opportunities.
While the lack of detailed planning can be stressful, the extra freedom, fun, and unexpected surprises outweigh the stress.
This expanded view has lead me to have some interesting conversations, unique experiences,and has helped me meet new people. I have noticed that I feel more self confident,self reliant ,and more adventurous. This resulted in feeling more competent in making quick decisions and and trusting my intuition.
Overall I am now happier, more joyful and relaxed.
Who would have ever expected, that the advise of a seventeen year old could change my life so much?