Rekindling a dream
Karin Goldgruber
Like a tsunami betrayal washes over me, taking everything I have believed in, hoped for, and trusted in with it. Destroying everything.
My parents won’t allow me to become a visual artist.
I was certain that they would support me. I was wrong.
A deep hopelessness envelopes me, seeps into every part of my being, as the cold creeps into your bones on some looming winter nights. Everything is covered in beautifully deceiving ice crystals.
The pain is so strong that I separate myself from myself. I surrender my dream, so I can continue living. I step outside myself. I observe, as part of me lives a life that is dictated and shaped by what others think is best for me. I take the path that was chosen for me.
Most of my life I judged myself quite harshly for accepting it . I criticized myself and only saw when I surrendered my will. I didn’t see the great choices I made.
Not having a choice in my education and career made me determined to support my sons in their career choices.
Now it is time for me to look at some of my old dreams. Will I study art because I couldn’t before or will I study something else or will I even go to University?
First I had to make my peace with my younger self. I had to acknowledge that she couldn’t speak up, it wasn’t her fault. It was a different time. She didn’t have any life experience.
Even though I never attended University I have continued my education since then. I have studied things that drew me to them. Things I loved. It never seemed like hard work because I loved what I was learning.
My dream of attending University is still very strong, yet as of now writing, doing presentations and working with Highly Sensitive People is more important.
Whether I attend University is really irrelevant. What matters is that it is my free choice.
I no longer feel like I am watching myself living a life I don’t want. I am living my life.
Blog and picture by Karin Goldgruber
About the Author
Karin is a proud mother of two, a business owner, an immigrant, an avid hiker, a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), and many other things. Growing up in Austria, she always felt she was different from others around her, but never quite knew why. It was only in her 40’s that Karin discovered the term HSP, what it meant, and how it applied to her. Gaining this new perspective has helped Karin to better understand herself and how others see her. Soon after learning about HSP’s, Karin learned about Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), which she has found is very helpful in addressing negative beliefs about herself and her past experiences. With her blogs and her business, Next Step Coaching, Karin seeks to help others learn more about HSPs, themselves, their beliefs about themselves, and to achieve the growth that she herself was able to realize by applying EFT. When writing her Blogs and working with clients, Karin does not seek to provide the answers, but rather to help her readers and clients find their own personal solutions for their unique circumstances.
Karin is a proud mother of two, a business owner, an immigrant, an avid hiker, a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), and many other things….
Growing up in Austria Karin is a proud mother of two, a business owner, an immigrant, an avid hiker, a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), and many other things. Growing up in Austria, she always felt she was different from others around her, but never quite knew why. It was only in her 40’s that Karin discovered the term HSP, what it meant, and how it applied to her. Gaining this new perspective has helped Karin to better understand herself and how others see her. Soon after learning about HSP’s, Karin learned about Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), which she has found is very helpful in addressing negative beliefs about herself and her past experiences. With her blogs and her business, Next Step Coaching, Karin seeks to help others learn more about HSPs, themselves, their beliefs about themselves, and to achieve the growth that she herself was able to realize by applying EFT. When writing her Blogs and working with clients, Karin does not seek to provide the answers, but rather to help her readers and clients find their own personal solutions for their unique circumstances.
